Commercials I Hate, #1

That maudlin piece-of-crap Yasmin birth control commercial.

We start out with Pretty Girl on a date with Supreme Jackass. She looks disgusted. Next she's on a date with Another Jackass. Cue a second look of contempt from Pretty Girl (heretofore known as PG, for typing and readability purposes). Then Speeding Jackass charges up to the curb in his sport utility Wrangler at the end of the date, seemingly dancing in his seat to the neverending party in his mind (or pants? who cares). PG manages a queasy, thank-god-I'm-still-alive grin (but I personally detect a hint of "teehee, that was almost fun").

And then...

After all these wrong choices, she finds him. Mr. Preppy. He's cute, he's bashful, he shoots her "aw shucks" looks, which she returns in kind while they sit in his car, reluctant to say farewell. Then they take about a year to get that gentle, no-tongue-involved first kiss out of the way. Mr. P gets out of the car, walks around the back (which PG follows in the rear-view mirror with her doe-eyes), and comes to the side to open PG's door while she waits demurely biting her lip in the passenger seat.

They stroll up to her front door holding hands, her dress flowing attractively around her legs. At the front door they exchange more awkwardly darling looks and take another year to briefly touch lips again, both smiling shyly as they lean in toward each other for that sweet, meant-to-be moment.

I hate this commercial. It's got eight-too-many delicate looks that convey "you're everything I ever hoped to find!" and two-too-many "I'm nervous, and he's dreamy" lip-nibbles. I want to bang PG and Mr. P's heads together.

And I tell you what, she's not gonna need any of that birth control if they keep on kissing that way.