Family, Family

I love hearing my dad talk on the phone to my older brother Paul, the firstborn. Paul gave my parents hell when he was still under their roof, but now when Dad talks to him, he always gets this soft, open look on his face. He calls his almost-34-year-old son "hon," and usually signs off with "alright buddy." And I don't know, there's just something about it that makes me think about how Paul is dad's first kid, that first bundle of wonder. How essential emotions for a certain thing maybe never change.

And on another note, Paul has more credit card debt than I do. That makes me feel good. Of course, he has a ten year head start...

D'oh.

Actually, I *am* Irish

Why oh why oh why am I so unmotivated??? I gave myself a list of things to do today, and I just haven't accomplished anything! Augh! I don't even have any clever excuses for my abominable unproductiveness! "Yeah, I haven't applied for that job/internship/program/trip to space yet because I... uh... hey, who wants ice cream?"

I have a deadline Friday. An actual deadline for two very brief columns. One is about potatoes. Who doesn't like writing about potatoes? Potatoes are fantastic! Slice them, dice them, bake them, use them to paint-- they're full of possibilites. And fluffy goodness, when they're baked.

That's right. I just talked about potatoes in my blog.

Hey, who wants ice cream?!

New Year's Day

I think that if the end of the year is any indication of how the following year will be, I might just be in good shape. It's a shaky theory, but in December 2003, I was miserable, and 2004 turned out to be just about the most awful year in my history. Now December 2004, however, was quite a lovely month. I'm hoping it means 2005 will not be another soul-crushing year filled with sadness and bad decisions.

Sometime in November I catalogued all the horrible things that have happened to me and many of my friends and loved ones in 2004, and seriously, I'm still sort of bewildered. And the world got one more ass-kick with the tsunami last week. Listen up 2005: I have high expectations for you.

I have to say, though, that it's quite interesting to look back over the year and think about how much has changed. I'm definitely not sorry that these last twelve months are over, but they've challenged me in some useful ways. I did some stupid stuff, and even as I was doing it I was thinking "this probably isn't the best way to handle how I'm feeling." It's kind of nice to look back at the "I wish I hadn't" moments and appreciate that I've learned from them. Yeah, I've grown a lot over the last year, learned what I can and cannot deal with, learned that I deserve a hell of a lot better than I was tolerating, learned that despite the mistakes, I'm still an alright kinda girl. And for that growth I'm grateful.

But 2004 can still go rot in hell.