i don't wanna

All I want to do today is daydream. I suppose I have a lot I could be doing here at work, but instead all I can accomplish is spacing out. I've looked through a stack of headshots and resumes, which is rather like the voyeuristic pleasure of looking through someone else's yearbook. I only know one or two of the faces that cross my path in this stack of photos, but I know the plays, the roles, the heights and weights and hair colors and miscellaneous talents (prolonged headstands, cockney accent, guitar, manual driving).

Today one of my two brothers entered his mid-thirties. Ten years ago he turned 24 and I thought about turning 14 in the summer. Now I have an occasional brainfart and have to count back the years to remember how old I am. Five years ago I was in high school. Right? Wrong. Five years ago I was a freshman in college. Right? Right. I am twenty and three years. This is how we can stay twenty forever: just add on the next year. Twenty and four years. Twenty and sixteen years. I guess you have to stop once you hit 40, though, since twenty and twenty years is just confusing and pretentious.

I am wondering why I'm rolling around again in this feeling of antsy-ness, preoccupied by the desire to be doing something, anything, else. I'm not an administrator, though my job title will fool future employers who read my resume. Right now I just feel like a kid with too much clutter on her desk, which is probably closest to the truth.